WTF is a “happy place” and why are you telling me to go there?
- Carolyn Morris, LCSW
- Jan 6
- 2 min read
Early in training, I revolted against the "happy place"
When I was in graduate school at Washington University in St. Louis, I made a promise to myself. I was learning so many different approaches to therapy—along with the theories behind them—and I noticed something: many of my peers were taking on this persona of someone endlessly wise, calm, and almost mystically serene.
As I was reflecting on this with a friend, I made a promise. In retrospect, it was really a promise to be authentic. But what I actually said was:
“I will never say something to a client that I cannot say with a straight face.”
A Real Person, showing up Authentically
Being “real” has always been central to how I work with clients. I’m just a person sitting across from you. I’ve studied some things you may not have, and you’ve probably studied things I haven’t. What I meant by that promise was that I would never suggest something that made me cringe internally—things that felt shallow, meaningless, or downright silly.
Here are a few examples of things I cannot say with a straight face:
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Go to your happy place.”
“This too shall pass.”
It’s not that these phrases are inherently wrong—they aren’t. They just feel canned, contrived, and not like the kind of thing you say when you’re actually validating someone’s lived experience.
Do things happen for a reason? Sometimes. But sometimes they just… happen. For no reason at all.
Will this situation, phase, or feeling eventually pass? Yes. But even if it will, it still hurts now.
And then there’s the infamous “happy place” in many approaches to managing anxiety. Pop-psychology pretty much ruined that one. In EMDR therapy, there is something similar, but we call it the Safe (or Secure) Place. It’s grounded in real research on mindfulness and the benefits of containing distress.
So skip the “happy place.”
Go straight to the safe one.
It’s much nicer there—and you can stay a lot longer.
If you’re like me and want things real, direct, and honest, feel free to reach out and schedule a consultation to see if we’re a good fit.
Comments