Holiday Gift-Giving with a Therapy Trick - the 5 Love Languages
- Carolyn Morris, LCSW
- Dec 10, 2025
- 4 min read
As you can tell by simply picking up a device or leaving your home to do virtually anything, the holiday gift-giving season is upon us. Black Friday, Shop Small Saturday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday — it gets overwhelming fast. If you’re struggling to figure out what to get that special person in your life, I have you covered with this simple therapy trick to give the best gifts!
I’m not going to suggest specific, viral gifts that all the sites are pushing at you. Instead, I’m going to let you in on the method I use to find the perfect thing — “Love Language Giving.”
What Is a Love Language?
Maybe you’re familiar with The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, but if not, here’s a quick summary. Dr. Chapman proposes that there are five main “languages” through which people give and receive love:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch
When you “speak” someone’s primary love language, your message of caring is received more clearly and deeply. I have always compared it to maximizing the return on your investment. If you only have the energy for one meaningful thing, wouldn’t you want it to be in the language they understand best — giving you the highest return?
Psst....If you’re curious which language resonates most for you, click on the heart for a free quiz on Dr. Chapman’s site.
So What Is a “Love Language Gift”?
When you consider someone’s Love Language when choosing their gift, you are focusing your gift on the language in which they best receive Love. Once you know which Love Language your recipient prefers, you can target your gift to fulfill that need.
If you don’t know — and can’t get them to take the quiz — then watch and learn. Most people show love the way they prefer to receive it. Compliment-givers tend to speak Words of Affirmation. People who always make time for loved ones often value Quality Time, and so on.
Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
If this is your primary Love Language, you appreciate when others appreciate you. When people verbalize the positive ways they see you, they are sending an affirmation.
These words don’t have to be spoken aloud. You can write them, engrave them, print them, or even spell them out in rose petals if that suits you. There are many gifts geared toward this Love Language — books that list all the reasons someone is loved, mugs with thoughtful phrases (although maybe skip “World’s Okayest Employee”).
Be creative and true to yourself. Your own heartfelt words mean more than anything pre-written.
As a bonus, Dr. Chapman notes: “When we receive affirming words, we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.”
Love Language #2: Quality Time
If your Love Language is Quality Time, you feel most loved when someone gives you their undivided attention. That time together — without phones, TV, kids, or work — creates connection.
Gifts for this Love Language are limitless. Plan a date (yes, you plan it and handle the childcare if needed), go on a walk together, have a phone-free dinner, or try an activity you both enjoy. Even better: do something neither of you has done before and talk about it as you go.
Looking for a no-cost option? Set aside intentional time to share favorite memories, childhood stories, or hopes for the future.
Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
Speaking this Love Language seems simple, but choose carefully. A gift says: I thought of you, I care about you, and I want you to feel loved. You’re offering something that reminds them of you whenever they see it.
So… can you give a vacuum?
Not even as a joke.
There are many meaningful options that communicate value and appreciation. And remember, the “no-cost” version of this Love Language is your physical presence. Dr. Chapman writes: “Physical presence in a time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your loved one’s primary love language is receiving gifts.”
A bonus: this Love Language easily overlaps with others. A souvenir from a special date can meet both Quality Time and Receiving Gifts at once.
Love Language #4: Acts of Service
If your Love Language is Acts of Service, nothing feels better than coming home after a stressful day to see that dinner is made, the house is tidied, and there is nothing standing between you and relaxation.
The tricky part? For something to count as an Act of Service, it must be done without being asked. If your loved one is constantly reminding you to take out the trash or put away the laundry, doing it only after being prompted will not be received as an act of love.
Ideas include cooking dinner, cleaning, picking up medication on your way home, grabbing the kids from school, or even planning the logistics of a vacation. Scheduling a house cleaning service, a car tune-up, or a spa appointment can also be a lovely act of service.
Love Language #5: Physical Touch
If your loved one’s primary Love Language is Physical Touch, you probably already hug when you greet each other, hold hands as you walk into the store, or share regular kisses. If not — now might be a great time to start.
While sex can certainly be part of this Love Language, meaningful touch goes far beyond that. A fun idea is the classic coupon book — “one free foot massage,” “one long hug,” and so on. (Some of these could overlap with Acts of Service too!)
These gestures offer co-regulation — soothing the nervous system and creating calm.
Other physical-touch-based gifts include spa treatments, massages, haircuts, skin scrubs — anything where caring, professional touch feels comforting and positive.
Final Thoughts
The beauty of Love Language Giving is that it simplifies the overwhelming holiday season. Instead of guessing, you’re choosing something that feels meaningful, personal, and tailored.
And that’s a gift in itself.
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